Vegetable Nightmare (Ryan Blog Excerpt)

**NOTE--This blog absolutely CRACKED ME UP when I read it...I thought Ryan had the most imaginative ideas. I loved his writing style. This is probably one of my favorite blogs ever from Ryan** PAM

June 23rd, 2007

I'm up late tonight, it's true. I won't bore anyone with the details, rather, I'll tell a story. Often when people are up this late, it's because they had a nightmare, or have serious mental issues and they need help and lots of medication. Tonight, it's the former. Most of the time when people have a nightmare, it involves some hideous creature or a common phobia (i.e. being covered in spiders or cotton balls). Recently I had a nightmare of a slightly different nature. Heck, most of the things I experiance are of a different nature! Let's face it, I'm peculier and proud of it. No, really I am, I even have a sign in my room to prove it. But I digress. My recent nightmare dealt more with the brutal nature and depravity that a person could sink to more than some alien with periwinkle skin and 32 eyes who could beat me at every game of chess (maybe another time).

In this particular nightmare, I was sitting on the floor playing shoots and ladders with my "friends". Which consisted of: A cucumber, some baby carrots, and a good size head of broccoli. We were having a great time! I was winning because they didn't move much, and I was telling them all about my day and the things I did. Now what would have made this a really good nightmare was if my so-called friends would talk back and interact with me. This was not the case. The cucumber and broccoli each sat on thier own plate, and the baby carrots occupied some trendy tupperware from Target. They did absolutely nothing, they were just like normal vegetables!

Usually I embrace these types of things, I think their kinda silly. But I was mortified at the thought of having no one but vegetables to hang out with, heck, you might as well be a vegetable if you are that bad off! It only gets worse! To celebrate my winning of the great shoots and ladders contest, I went to the fridge and procured a bottle of Hidden Valley ranch along with some creamy Kraft Caeser dressing. It was all down hill from there.

I won't go into the specifics of the horror that ensued as I proceeded to enjoy the oh-so-yummy combination of my favorite veggies and favorite dressings. It's mortifying! The idea that I would eat those that I just played with! The whole ordeal gave me a new perspective on when my mom told me to never play with my food. I felt so bad.

All in all it was, in every sense of the word, a nightmare.